Tonight I'm doing wrong. I am reading the mail that Mariano had sent me while I was in Russia. I have read three of the first who sent me, even in June. Basta. They are too beautiful. So sincere, so in love .... Listen even as those words from his lips? I sure hope so ....
Today, however, another fact has happened. It is broken. After three years, after thinking it would never happened, it broke. That bracelet that a Brazilian, three years ago, I tied on the wrist and asked to say a prayer for each node seemed indestructible. My prayers were three short-term reality, so I thought it was useless now that the bracelet was broken or because they had already made, or would no longer be served come true. And in fact I have even forgotten what I asked. But one of the three I remember.
At that time I had a very sore back. I had a strong cough, and had ended up back muscles ache from the effort. I was in the midst of suffering when this girl knotted three times that bracelet on my wrist. And my first wish was that I passed back pain. Obviously I could not imagine that it would take three years to break, so I went back pain well before the bracelet would make its effect. But it broke now. And I have no back pain now. But a person that I care so much. That was the back pain I meant at the time, without knowing it?
There are two other facts I remember at that time. Shortly before I met Mark. I thought it might be a good boy for me, but I was not very convinced. In addition, it was not that long ago that I decided to stay in Dublin following the failure of my examination in Trieste, but still had to convince myself that this was the right choice for me. Now I would not let me get carried away by fantasy, or hope, but it may be that one of the prayers was to figure out who was the right man for me, and the other to figure out what I wanted for me in general in my life. In practice, the choice of whether to stay in Dublin, Lufthansa, had been the right choice.
Even these prayers called for a short-term response, and eventually had to make my comments and my choices apart from the effect of the bracelet. Then Mariano
Monday accused me of having too many strange ideas for the head, travel, travel, entertainment, to hostels, a lot of other dreams more or less feasible. Accused me of not speaking the same language, they do not want the same things he wanted. So I took him to Suzzolins, I showed him my house, that house where I was born and raised, the house that are years I say that one day I will put in place to go and live there. I explained it was done and what ideas I had, that the field could have been behind an orchard, which the two rooms of entry could be combined to make a living, that the rooms were although three were small, I'd like to put them to the north even though I do, but think how nice to have the bed under the window, waking up in the morning, look out and see the lake ...
See that house has done more good for me than him. I told him I was the only dream I ever had. And it's true. Then the paths of life have led me somewhere else is a different speech. I've spent three years in Dublin and traveling the world was because I was with myself, because I never had to think about me and another person, but only to myself. And the single life in Cordovado is not the best. Dublin singles for me, gave me much more. The decision to remain there three years ago could not be more right. But I could never think of my whole life there. I could never think of a family there.
I always felt like a family. But what does it mean to have a family? Of course, first of all means to find someone to fall in love, with which you want to build something. And it means giving up.
Everything in life requires giving up something else. There are people who give up family for the job. Artists and musicians often sacrifice themselves for their passion. But to quote an imaginary example, Uma Thurman in Kill Bill says it was the deadliest woman in the world, but now that she was pregnant she was afraid for her child. She was giving up to his being a killer for a son.
And I, today, I realized that I have to give up something. I gave up the house for years for a good job, a beautiful environment, my travels, myself. But now, if I want to achieve that dream, I have to give up all this.
Why I have not done this before? Simple: because one's dream home has never been for me alone. I have never seen the reason for putting it right to live alone. But having a family and raise a child, then it makes sense. With Mariano makes sense.
Mariano: I have often questioned about why I like it. And paradoxically, I have never found an appropriate answer. Why is it so sweet? Too. Why has decided to take a look? Too. Why would a perfect father and husband? Too. None of these answers I was never fully satisfied. Thinking back to the moments I spent with him but I realized that my happiness depends on her. Why smile if he smiles first. Why look at him smile and I'm fine. Because it makes me feel happy to have done all that I had to do, and this gives me peace.
It 'important to peace, especially for someone like me whose brain is hyperactive hamster. How many more or less strange ideas I had over the years? Becoming a writer, to become a professional traveler, open a Bed & Breakfast in Ireland, working on a farm in the Outback Australian. None of these, however, fits with the idea of \u200b\u200bputting in place the house Suzzolins. But Mariano made me want to stop, give up all this for him. It 's the first, in all these years. And so that dream with him, fits perfectly. Why now would make sense to leave Dublin. I would give up a single life for a life with him. A Suzzolins maybe two paychecks for a thousand Euros or so, a mortgage of 25 years, two hearts and a hut, a simple life, and a lot of peace.
Perhaps it is no coincidence that this bracelet is broken today ...
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